We've been licensed for a month and a week now, and we're still waiting. Sometimes when the phone rings I get a little thrill of excitement that it might be DHW (Department of Health and Welfare) with a placement. But we aren't waiting very patiently either.
Keegan got online last night to adoptuskids.org and was perusing profiles. There is supposed to be an interstate compact between 4 states (ours and 3 surrounding) that makes it just as easy to adopt as if it were an in-state adoption. Yet, we inquire on kids and hear nothing back. Keegan sent an inquiry last night, and I told him not to. He said it didn't hurt to try, which is true, I guess. It's just been frustrating because, as Keegan noted, are these looking for adoptive families, or not? If they are, it shouldn't be that hard to make an inquiry about them. If you look at the statistics, there are about 100,000 kids who age out of the foster care system every year. I wonder if that's partly because there are about a zillion websites featuring them, and when people are seriously interested, the inquiry doesn't get to the right person? Regardless, we aren't being very patient. Maybe that's the lesson in this. I do believe there is a specific child or sibling pair that needs our family, and I'd rather wait for the right one(s) than not.
I will be patient. I will wait for the right child. I will continue to prepare. I know this is what we should be doing.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Our first "CALL"
Yesterday we received our first "CALL" for placement of a 14 year old girl. When I'm at work, I can't answer my cell, so they got ahold of Keegan, and he called me at work. The girl's mother was going to be arrested. I had a lot of questions (naturally), but the caseworker was going to call us back. However, they found a relative placement.
While I'm a little sad, I think that for this particular placement, it may be better. First off, we know that family is the best option for foster care if it's available. Secondly, I work in law enforcement. Could you imagine having your mom arrested, the worst day of your life, and you're sitting in some stranger's house only to find out that the mom may have played a part in your mom's arrest?!?! Or if the police are "the enemy" who took her mom away from her and put her in this situation, I would absolutely be "the enemy."
So maybe for this one it was better, but we are really excited to have our first placement. Thus, we continue to wait for "the call." :)
While I'm a little sad, I think that for this particular placement, it may be better. First off, we know that family is the best option for foster care if it's available. Secondly, I work in law enforcement. Could you imagine having your mom arrested, the worst day of your life, and you're sitting in some stranger's house only to find out that the mom may have played a part in your mom's arrest?!?! Or if the police are "the enemy" who took her mom away from her and put her in this situation, I would absolutely be "the enemy."
So maybe for this one it was better, but we are really excited to have our first placement. Thus, we continue to wait for "the call." :)
Monday, July 22, 2013
This is me.
I am unique person, just like everyone else on the planet. But I'll be the first to admit that as much as the differences between one person and another can be quantified, the differences between me and the rest of the population are slightly more exaggerated. i see things differently than you do, whoever you are. the majority of my life i have done so, and it works for me. I make only apologies for times when my "me" inhibits your "you", not when you encounter me and uncontrollably raise your eyebrows. in fact, my wife and I joke that i live in my own little place for most of my waking life. and like most west asian countries that share a common naming scheme, my own little place is called Keeganistan. my wife has a temporary visa to visit me there sometimes, but i don't blame her for not wanting to take up permanent residence in that upsidedown nation.
that all being said, i will be posting to this periodical slightly less often than my wonderful and patient wife. and i am sure she would appreciate that fact sometimes, as will you when you get to know me.
I am Keegan, the husband of Duh. she goes by this nickname because when she was a little girl, her siblings called her by that name as an abbreviated segment of her legal name. it's not in any way a comment on intelligence or wisdom, though she is extremely smart and creative, it's just based on her given name.
and me, I go by my name, not because i don't fear being unmasked online, but because it's part of my google profile account, and i don't know how to change it, and i don't care enough to figure out how to change it.
all that being said, my wife and i are licensed to be foster parents in our home state, and we are telling the authorities on the matter that we are ready to do so. though we all know that a wise person can never be ready for something they haven't experienced before, they can be physically prepared for as much as they can conceive, but never fully mentally prepared for the experience itself. even if you see somebody changing a flat tire on their car, you'll never be "ready" for it yourself until it happens to you. it's said that wisdom is something you don't get until after you need it, meaning that you don't know how something will happen until after it already ends. so too are we trying to prepare for future events that will indubitably happen, but for which we can never fully be prepared.
even after years of having other children in our home, we won't be prepared for the next child, because that child will be different than any others before them. they may be easier to help, or more difficult, but the experience will be different every time. so we're not going to say something that everyone knows is not true, we're not going to try to convince ourselves that we're ready for this, just that we're willing to make the attempt after having prepared for as much as that for which we can conceive, knowing that the future cannot be known until it is already the past. to the universe i tentatively invite, "Hit me with your best shot."
that all being said, i will be posting to this periodical slightly less often than my wonderful and patient wife. and i am sure she would appreciate that fact sometimes, as will you when you get to know me.
I am Keegan, the husband of Duh. she goes by this nickname because when she was a little girl, her siblings called her by that name as an abbreviated segment of her legal name. it's not in any way a comment on intelligence or wisdom, though she is extremely smart and creative, it's just based on her given name.
and me, I go by my name, not because i don't fear being unmasked online, but because it's part of my google profile account, and i don't know how to change it, and i don't care enough to figure out how to change it.
all that being said, my wife and i are licensed to be foster parents in our home state, and we are telling the authorities on the matter that we are ready to do so. though we all know that a wise person can never be ready for something they haven't experienced before, they can be physically prepared for as much as they can conceive, but never fully mentally prepared for the experience itself. even if you see somebody changing a flat tire on their car, you'll never be "ready" for it yourself until it happens to you. it's said that wisdom is something you don't get until after you need it, meaning that you don't know how something will happen until after it already ends. so too are we trying to prepare for future events that will indubitably happen, but for which we can never fully be prepared.
even after years of having other children in our home, we won't be prepared for the next child, because that child will be different than any others before them. they may be easier to help, or more difficult, but the experience will be different every time. so we're not going to say something that everyone knows is not true, we're not going to try to convince ourselves that we're ready for this, just that we're willing to make the attempt after having prepared for as much as that for which we can conceive, knowing that the future cannot be known until it is already the past. to the universe i tentatively invite, "Hit me with your best shot."
Doing research
I've been reading a lot lately. Somehow there is a part of my brain that tells me that if I research enough, read other people's stories, "prepare," that I'll be ready when "the call" comes. Then there is the other part of my brain that tells me that even with all the training and attempts to be ready, nothing can really prepare you for having a foster child. Every story is different. Every child is different, and what she has encountered, and how she will react to that is different. So yes, the room is ready. I have crisp, new sheets for the brand-new mattresses on the bunk beds and emptied out the closet. But I'll never really be ready because I don't know what it will be like.
I'm a planner. I want to know what will happen when. I like to have things organized and ready. I like to be able to anticipate. I like to be in control. I know from my training/reading/research that this is a luxury not afforded to foster kids, and I can't imagine the frustration. I think this will be as much of a growing opportunity for me as for anyone else.
And I'm scared. What if my children are affected negatively? What if I'm not good enough? We are committed to this journey. In the beginning Keegan said to me that we would not be just another notch on a child's belt of trauma. I agree. We told our licensing worker we would only ask for a child to be removed from our home if our children were in danger. Those cases should be extreme. But we're meant to do this. We both feel that there is someone, or a sibling pair out there who will need us specifically, who are destined to be part of this family. I'm not sure how or when we'll find each other. I just know we will.
I'm a planner. I want to know what will happen when. I like to have things organized and ready. I like to be able to anticipate. I like to be in control. I know from my training/reading/research that this is a luxury not afforded to foster kids, and I can't imagine the frustration. I think this will be as much of a growing opportunity for me as for anyone else.
And I'm scared. What if my children are affected negatively? What if I'm not good enough? We are committed to this journey. In the beginning Keegan said to me that we would not be just another notch on a child's belt of trauma. I agree. We told our licensing worker we would only ask for a child to be removed from our home if our children were in danger. Those cases should be extreme. But we're meant to do this. We both feel that there is someone, or a sibling pair out there who will need us specifically, who are destined to be part of this family. I'm not sure how or when we'll find each other. I just know we will.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
What are we doing?!?!
I don't consider myself a blogger. Why am I even blogging then? Several reasons. First, I've been reading several other blogs about foster care/adoption, and I've found them very helpful, so maybe I'll say something that might help someone else out. Second, I'm terrible at keeping journals. I've never been good at it. I'd like to remember this journey, both with foster kids, and with my biological kids. Third, while I'm sure they are out there, I haven't found any blogs about people who have taken in foster kids while having small children in the home. I'd really be interested in seeing that dynamic, but since I can't find it, I'll write about our experiences. Maybe it will help others.
So who are we? I'm Duh and my hubby is Keegan. We have been married 8 years. Becoming foster parents was kind of always on our radar. I was told I was unable to have children, so about 7 years ago, we started down this road. We went to the trainings, had background checks, home study, etc. At the end, our licensing worker said he was worried that because we had been married such a short time, had just moved to the area, and all our family support was a thousand miles away. He thought it would be more difficult for us than if we were surrounded by support. He suggested we wait a year. It was good advice. We became pregnant. Buzz was born and is now 5. We also have a daughter, Ariel, who is 2.
Several months ago I saw a Wednesday's Child ad on the news. It wasn't even the video - just the written transcript. My hubby and I were always interested in older kids/teens. This ad of a 17 year old hoping to be adopted touched me, and I sent it to Keegan, and said something like, "I know we're not in the market, but these still get to me." He emailed back and said maybe it was time to start looking into foster care again. I had just assumed that we would wait until the kids were older.
After talking a lot, we have decided to move forward with it. We put in our applications, attended intensive training, have been fingerprinted, background checked, and home studied. We were licensed as of July 5. We are excited/anxious/scared. We know we are meant to do this. We have explained it to our kids the best we could, and they are on board. They want to help other kids be safe. Now we're just waiting for the call...
So who are we? I'm Duh and my hubby is Keegan. We have been married 8 years. Becoming foster parents was kind of always on our radar. I was told I was unable to have children, so about 7 years ago, we started down this road. We went to the trainings, had background checks, home study, etc. At the end, our licensing worker said he was worried that because we had been married such a short time, had just moved to the area, and all our family support was a thousand miles away. He thought it would be more difficult for us than if we were surrounded by support. He suggested we wait a year. It was good advice. We became pregnant. Buzz was born and is now 5. We also have a daughter, Ariel, who is 2.
Several months ago I saw a Wednesday's Child ad on the news. It wasn't even the video - just the written transcript. My hubby and I were always interested in older kids/teens. This ad of a 17 year old hoping to be adopted touched me, and I sent it to Keegan, and said something like, "I know we're not in the market, but these still get to me." He emailed back and said maybe it was time to start looking into foster care again. I had just assumed that we would wait until the kids were older.
After talking a lot, we have decided to move forward with it. We put in our applications, attended intensive training, have been fingerprinted, background checked, and home studied. We were licensed as of July 5. We are excited/anxious/scared. We know we are meant to do this. We have explained it to our kids the best we could, and they are on board. They want to help other kids be safe. Now we're just waiting for the call...
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